- Don't know what to update.
- November 16th, 2013
Think you never know a person until you end a relationship with them. Think about it. There's nothing people get more upset over to a large part or more awkward etc. It's very revealing in some ways both intensity of feeling and character wise. Now I'm wondering if I should ever be with someone without breaking it off at least once. *dangerous idea* in that it's stupid. If I find someone or someone changes their mind *cough* and we try again because somethings change I swear I wouldn't breakup to see character. Have other methods like getting to know the person. That's right good old get to know and don't over invest emotionally before it seems safe. That doesn't work out all the time either. I've decided to make a life where the possibility of a good relationship can happen and to be able and willing. If it never does I am decidedly ok with that. Thank you universe.
To my ex whatever you were,and I was's/ams..hmmmm strange thoughts at making that current pretense;
Some of you were wonderful but the timing was bad,some of you were kind of crazy but I loved you for it although I really wish you some inner peace and a super good therapist lol, some of you cared,someone of you probably forgot my name 2 seconds after I told you, one of you will love me until you drop dead because you ruined it but I know you'd fixed that if you could, some of you loved me at my worst, some of you brought me to my worst but I needed that to heal and learn my limits, some of you made some of the happiest memories in my life, all of you taught me I'm lovable for no good reason at all,even if you don't know me,or don't look great or I'm a being a huge dork *sigh*.... and that you're actions and sweet words etc are not a reflection on my value and self worth and yet I can value them highly. Mostly you taught me to accept love as well as give it and not to put up with bullshit.
Special one if the most recent one finds this; sorry for being so cynical (although you know why) but you are great in some important ways don't be so hard on yourself and relax. You can't force a connection. It's either there or you work at it. Mostly it's there and you work at it too. If I got one mulligan and a redo it would be you.Shhh don't tell the others ;) they'd never understand things you do about me the way you do and still kind of hard even though the situation isn't conducive blah blah blah doesn't change how I feel about you.
It hurts the most because I'm so close to being ready and I wasn't expecting you at all (hence the cynicism and closed offness).
Wasn't ready my life situation was conducive,now that my life situation isn't as much I'm ready. UGH................................................................................so frustrating.